Weight gain of 10kg- How I worked through the fear of my weight gain?

How I worked through my fear of gaining weight while healing my relationship with food (Personal reference: I went from 54kg to 63-64kg and stayed at this comfortable weight for the last 10 years).

1. I had to admit I was fat phobic

I understood that I was conditioned to praise thin bodies as well as believe that “fat” people were lazy, unhealthy etc…

I had to make conscious efforts to watch all the bodies around me and look them for what they are: different bodies without judgment.

2. Where is the fear of weight gain coming from?

I thought that I just feared the number on the scale as a simple representation of my personal value (silly I know) but In fact it was so much deeper than I anticipated.

I feared rejection (rejection from critical parents, men… It didn’t help some of them told me I could lose a bit of weight), change, being judged, feeling unworthy, criticism etc…my next step was to make a list of WHO would criticise my weight gain, how would that make me feel and how I would respond etc…it’s a mental exercise that I enjoyed as I felt more in control over what may happen in the future

3. Avoid talking about weight loss

I stopped praising people for their weight loss. I realised I know nothing about their journey and they may be struggling as well so I stopped saying things like “You look so slim”, “You lost so much weight, so disciplined etc…”. I realised that by saying that it made other people seem more valuable just because they were thinner. I also realised I knew nothing about their weight loss journey or personal struggles to even think they were happier in a smaller body.

4. I threw away old clothes that didn’t fit

This was tough but necessary. What was the point of keeping old things laying around if they were just a reminder how much weight I gained?

Also, I realised that there were many days I was feeling fantastic in my skin but the moment I couldn’t fit in some size 2 or 4, the fantastic feeling was fleeting and I was miserable all over again. It could have been an actual trigger for a binge at the time because I was feeling so desperate knowing that I was still bigger.

5. Asking questions

I do this exercise with my clients a lot. I ask them to find a picture from their past when they were at their goal weight and ask themselves: were you happy in that body back then?

The answer is in 99% of the cases: NO

Same was for me. I found in my journey so many pictures with that ideal weight I was chasing but all I could remember was: when we were taking the photo I was thinking how big I was, how I need to hide behind everyone else in the picture, how I need to start a new diet etc…it was never about the weight itself.